I am now inside your mind!
Personal
This is where I post articles more of a personal nature than for others. You might find something here that interests you, but I doubt it.
Some of my Favorite Quotes
Aug 9th
- “Carry the battle to them. Don’t let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don’t ever apologize for anything.” – President Harry S. Truman
- “Beer is good.” – thekruser
- “If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace” – Thomas Paine
- “If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough” – Mario Andretti
- “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski
- “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” – Helen Keller
- “I refuse to tip toe through life only to arrive safely at death.” – Anonymous
- “Welcome to planet motherfucker.” – Rob Zombie
- “Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.” W. C. Fields
- “What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” – W. C. Fields
- “Money may not buy happiness, but it sure can rent it for a long fucking time.” -thekruser
- “If life give you lemons, try to find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party.” – Ron White
- “It is not enough that I succeed, others must fail.” – Gore Vidal
- “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein
Deep Sea Fishing 2010
Jun 25th
Recently, I went on a deep sea fishing trip with a couple of good friends. We were all getting ready to move, so we decided to give ourselves a going away gift.
Meet Jerame and Jason. It is rare that one works with people that one can truly call friends.
Jerame and Jason-
Thanks for all the good times, ya’ll. That fishing trip kicked ass! I hope our paths cross again in the future. So many good times. So many stories. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna blog about them! I am glad to call you my friends. Good luck in life and thanks for the good times. Until the next time… More >
16 Funny Statements from Police Officers
Jun 11th
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
- “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
- “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
- “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
- “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
- “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
- “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
- “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
- “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
- “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
- “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
- “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
- “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
- “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
- “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
- “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
- “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
AND THE WINNER IS….
Maria the Maid Wants a Raise
Jun 10th
Maria, the Maid, asked for a pay increase and my wife was very upset about this so decided to talk to her about it.
She asked: ‘Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?’
Maria: ‘Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. More >
Men and Women: One Difference in Thought Processes
Jun 9th
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!” So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… More >
Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic: A Brilliant Theory
Jun 8th
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that More >
thekruser.com Makes the #1 Slot on Google!
Jun 7th
Woo-hoo!! thekruser.com made #1!
Yes, I know this is a relatively minor milestone, but one I take much pride in. I am one guy. Corporations spend thousands of dollars to get on the first page of Google and some still never make it. My thanks goes out to each and every one of you. Yes…if you are reading this, that means you! Without my readers and commenters, it would never have happened. I have spent a lot of time researching foursquare badges, and I have a few dedicated commenters who have helped me along the way. A special “thank you” goes out to everyone who has helped me in my endeavor. Be it through comments, links, pingbacks, or help with code, without your help this would never have been possible.
Thanks again to all of my readers and commenters. You guys ROCK!
The Value of a Drink
Jun 3rd
- “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
-Jack HandyWARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
- “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. “
-Frank SinatraWARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better looking than most people. More >
Roping a Deer
Jun 2nd
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. More >
65 Random Thoughts
May 25th
- I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
- I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. More >
