Let me preface this with: I know the complaints listed herein are rather petty. Furthermore, I understand there are far worse problems to have and that there are some who will read this that would love for these to be the least of their concerns. However, since this is my blog I can write what I want.

Next, I would like to certify that these events happened exactly as described. I know if I were reading this on someone else’s blog, I would raise the “Bullshit Flag” rather quickly. Either way, here is what happened…

So, my wife and I finally received our tax refund, much like the rest of the nation. We decided — also like most of the nation — to purchase a new TV. We have had our old one for almost a decade and it was time to upgrade.

Like responsible buyers, we did some research over a couple of days. Yesterday was the day.  I borrowed my neighbor’s SUV, as I was relatively certain our new TV would not fit in my Mustang.  We had it narrowed down between a 46″ Sony LCD and a 46″ Samsung LED. The Sony was our favorite. As we walked to the kiosk, I happened to notice a larger TV for only a couple hundred more. Instantly, our minds had changed: the 50″ Samsung plasma. Beautiful TV. 2010 model. Only been available for a couple of weeks. Oh, yeah…the works: 1080p, 4 HDMI ports, 3 component video connections, 2 optical audio outs, a VGA port, internet ready…the whole 9 yards. It was decided.

To go with the new TV, we need a new stand. Again, being responsible buyers, we weighed the options. Do we wall-mount or do we put it on a stand? Too short of a stand and my boxer would surely get slobber all over it.  If you have owned a boxer, or know of any one who has, you know what I mean.

As we were deciding, my wife noticed a gorgeous stand that provided options. It was a stand with a raised mount. Sweet! Three options: set it on the stand, mount it on the raised mount, or — and this is the cool part — the raised mount could be omitted and the same bracket could be used for a wall-mount.

The decision was made. With an “I have made a good, informed decision” air about me, I made the purchase.

And so the turmoil begins.

By the time we got home and got everything into the house it was very late.  I had to be up at 4:00 am, so we decided to stifle the urge to assemble everything that night. Upon returning from work today, I had an epiphany. That TV looked a little large to fit where we needed it to go. Horrified, I measured.

You guessed it: ONE HALF OF AN INCH? SERIOUSLY? A HALF INCH?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!

Nope, not kidding. Half an inch too wide. Son of a bitch. Oh, yeah…the stand? 5 inches too wide. All that preparation…and no measuring. So, I got online and did more research. Found a comparable model that was exactly on half-inch narrower. Another Samsung. Noting the model number, I geared up to head to the store.

Sheepishly, I asked my neighbor to borrow his SUV again to return my “well thought out” purchase.  He said, “Sure,” and decided to tag along. We arrived at the store at 8:25, 35 minutes before they closed. A quick explanation to customer service resulted in the lady telling me to have a salesman simply write the SKU numbers down on the piece of paper she handed me as she got the paperwork in order. I was told to return the paper to her once I had collected the required numbers. No problem.

As I arrived in the TV section, I noticed only one salesman working it. He was “involved” with a customer who seemed to be rather irritated, so I simply told him I needed some help when he was finished. Confident that I had the TV I needed already selected, I went to look at the stands. I made a selection and returned to the aisle where the TV I was planning to purchase was located. It was then that I noticed the same guy I had seen the night before. The day before he was unable to come to a decision. Now, he was nervously pacing by the TV I had selected. He had a different salesman with him.

After about 20 laps, he finally said he would take it. I joked to my neighbor saying, “Ha, ha, ha…knowing my luck, he just bought the last one they had in stock!”

Don’t get ahead of me, people.

A few minutes later, the salesman I had originally spoken to broke off from the irritated guy and asked what I needed. I told him I simply needed SKUs. He obliged. He returned to mad guy — who was now accompanied by the store manager — and I returned to customer service. I handed the lady the paper and I was ready to go. I was to give the receipt to the security guard at the front and that he would have my new TV brought up from the warehouse. It was 8:45.

8:50…no TV.

8:55…still nothing.

Closing time…still waiting.

At 9:15, 15 minutes after they closed and 30 minutes after I was ready to leave, I hear my name being called from customer service. Fearing that I had made an accurate prediction earlier, I approached the counter. “We are really sorry, but the stand we sold you is out of stock.” Instead of selecting a different one, I opt for a refund. I headed back to the front to get the TV loaded.

Nothing.

9:20…no TV.

9:30…here comes the TV. But wait…it is not for me. It is for Mr. I-have-to-pace-for-20-laps-before-I-buy-a-TV.

After another 10 minutes of waiting, Mr. I-have-to-pace-for-20-laps-before-I-buy-a-TV comes walking back to customer service. His new TV won’t fit in his car. I resisted the urge to point and laugh. So, what do you think he does? He asks me to ask my neighbor to drive his new TV home for him. Fat chance, jackass!

At 9:45, I get another call from customer service. “We feel horrible. We just sold the last one of the model you selected to that gentleman right over there.” I was a little mad. Scratch that…I was furious. That bastard!

I opt for a refund. I am too mad to TV shop. Besides, they have been closed for 45 minutes. I need a beer.

I get home, explain the situation to my wife, and head to the fridge.

No beer.

I get in the car and drive to the store. They have one 12 pack of Bud Light Lime left — my beer of choice. Happily, I grab it and head to the register.

Forgot my ID.

Drive home and get my ID. Get back to the store.

Store is closed.

Drive all the way across town. All they have is one 22oz bottle of Bud Light Lime. Fuck my life!

So here I sit, writing this post.

No TV.

No stand.

The one Bud Light Lime I had is long gone.

Hope tomorrow is better.

Hope your night is better than mine.