Have you ever had a ridiculous thought? Something that just didn’t make sense? Chances are, you will find it here. Many of these you will have heard or seen before, but many will be new — unless you are like me and spend your time thinking about unimportant stuff like this!

If you find any duplicates, please leave a comment so I can correct it. I have looked at these for so long now, I can’t remember if I have seen any.

UPDATE: Duplicates have been found, so I guess the numbers are dwindling!

People

1. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
2. Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
3. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
4. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
5. Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs?
6. If its tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
7. If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
8. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
9. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
12. When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?
13. If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disoriented?
14. How does a cemetery raise its burial cost and blame it on the cost of living?
15. Why did God give men nipples?
16. Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?
17. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?
18. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
19. If you asked a librarian where the books on self-help were, would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?
20. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
21. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Same as number 3 above.
    
22. Why don’t psychics predict the winning lottery numbers and retire?
23. If you spin an oriental man, does he become disoriented? Same as 13 above.
24. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
25. Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live?
26. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
27. How come the idiot is always in charge?
28. If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
29. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
30. Why is it so fun to play with your toes?

Animals

1. If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
2. If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
3. Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?
4. What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?
5. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
6. Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
7. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
8. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
9. If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?
10. If a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless?
11. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
12. If dinosaurs once roamed the entire planet why aren’t there fossils in my yard?
13. Can fish be gay?

Words

1. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
2. Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
3. Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?
4. Why is it so hard to remember how to spell ‘mnemonic’?
5. Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
6. Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
7. Is there another word for thesaurus?
8. Is there another word for synonym?
9. Is the color orange called that because it’s the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that’s its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit?
10. How can there be self-help “groups”?
11. Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?
12. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
13. Why is it called a “near miss” when you don’t hit something?
14. Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
15. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
16. If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person?
17. Why is there an ‘s’ in lisp?
18. If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an “ATM machine”?
19. If PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number?
20. Why is the fear of long words hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
21. If ‘pro’ is the opposite to ‘con’, is Congress the opposite to progress?
22. Why do we call it a hamburger when it is made from beef?
23. Why is there a pair of panties but just one bra?
24. How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
25. If firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
26. If olive oil is made of olives, vegetable oil comes from vegetables, sunflower oil is made of sunflowers…what is baby oil made of?
27. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment; but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
28. How is it possible to have a civil war?
29. If something was miss-spelled in a dictionary how would we know?
30. What is the definition of “is”?
31. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
32. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
33. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
34. If the Polish are called Poles why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
35. Why is it when you get from here to there, you’re still here and not there?
36. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
37. Why a goose and his wife are geese, but a moose and his wife aren’t meese?
38. Why does “shit” mean something bad, but “the shit” means something good?
39. If horrific is akin to horrible, why isn’t terrific akin to terrible?
40. If pissed off postmen are disgruntled, what are happy postmen? Gruntled?

Places

1. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
2. Why are do airlines put flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
3. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
4. If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
5. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
6. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
7. Street sign: “To the Braille Institute”. Who’s it for?
8. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
9. Why call it a building if it’s already been built?
10. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
11. Wal-Mart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
12. Why is Greenland white?
13. Why is a boxing ring square?
14. If air travel is so safe, why do they call it a “terminal”?
15. Should a crematorium give a discount for burn victims?

Abstract

1. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
2. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
3. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
4. Why does a ship carry cargo, and a car carry shipments? Same as 27 in Words.
5. If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can’t they make the entire plane out of it?
6. Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
7. If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
8. How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
9. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
10. How come wrong numbers are never busy?
11. Why call it “take” a dump, when you leave something behind?
12. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
13. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15. If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?
16. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
17. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
18. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
19. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
20. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
21. Is grass really greener on the other side?
22. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
23. When someone says “You know what they say…” Who are they?
24. If you’re an atheist and swear on the bible, have you committed perjury?
25. Why does belly button lint not match your shirt color?
26. In the wintertime, why don’t entire clouds freeze and fall to the ground?
27. Do disabled toilets work as well as ordinary toilets?

Things

1. Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
2. Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
3. Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?
4. Does ‘extra virgin olive oil’ come from extra ugly olives?
5. If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?
6. Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot?
7. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? Same as 26 in Words.
8. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
9. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
10. What do they pack Styrofoam in?
11. Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra? Same as 23 in Words.
12. Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over people’s heads when they had an idea?
13. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
14. If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
15. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
16. How can there be multiple Final Fantasies?
17. Where do all the missing socks go?
18. If a penny costs 2.3 cents to make, why is it still only worth a penny?
19. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread.
20. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
21. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
22. Why are aliens always green?
23. What was the guy thinking when he decided on “kumquat?”
24. If Cheese is made of milk why is it yellow?
25. How does a thermos flask know whether to keep the drinks cold or warm?
26. How did they decide to eat whatever comes out of a chickens butt?

Got one you want to add? Let us know by leaving it in the comments. Thanks for stopping by!