I want people to know who I am. Plain and simple.

I am not looking for fame, actually quite the opposite. I have no want for that type of life. I am not looking for money (although, I would not turn it down). I do not want a “following” or anything comparable. I am not looking for glory. I simply want people to say “Hey, I know that guy” when someone mentions either me, something I have done, or a topic I am related to. I think that is what most people want. To be known/remembered. What is the solution?

Networking.

To me, networking is not only the art of getting your message to others, but also the craft of creating the urge in others to listen to you when you speak — to want to hear what you have to say. To accomplish that, you need to either be respected or, at a minimum, have the ability to develop a sense of respect in those to whom you speak. You have to want to learn about people and what makes them act the way they do. You have to have ambition. You have to have drive. You have to have the will to learn.

People often ask me, “Why would you subject yourself to a meeting/conference/event if you didn’t have to?” My answer: what better place/venue is there to begin to accomplish both networking and information-bank building? Knowledge-sharing is what the human brain is designed to do.

Think about it. Everything you know, everything you do, everything you say — it is all either conditioned response or learned behavior. We take in information produced/relayed/transferred from those who are (which ever applies at the moment: more intelligent, more knowledgeable, more skilled, more whatever), process it, and store it for future use. Getting your name out there is no different. The same tactics and techniques can be employed. You have to condition the minds of others to associate your name with ambition, drive, and determination.

Admittedly, I am no expert. I have no degree in human interaction. If you are reading this, I am just like you. I have ambition, drive, and a die-hard will to succeed. Noticing a pattern here?

Below you will find nothing more than my advise. I offer no guarantees or surety.

1. Get involved. Interact. While no one enjoys listening to keynote speakers drone on and on — repeating the same old clichés, false motivational symbolisms, taglines, buzzwords, and industry jargon — these speakers are there for a reason. They are successful. If they were not, would you be listening to them? Being in the presence of those speakers increases your chances of interacting with them exponentially. You have to get involved in what you have decided to insert yourself into. While at a conference, if the speaker opens the floor for questions and you have one, ask it, but only if it is a viable question. Asking a question for the sole purpose of forcing your voice into the ears of the speaker will destroy you. Questions should be thought-provoking and well thought out. For example, instead of asking “What is your stance on (topic A)?”, consider rephrasing your question to provoke thought and lead to interaction. Something like, “How do you feel your stance on (topic A) will influence (topic B)?” will elicit a response that will answer your original question and likely lead to an explanation that will result in another question — interaction instead of just Q&A. Interaction is key in developing rapport.
2. Develop rapport. Rapport is like money, the less you have, the more important it becomes. How you interact with others plays a major role in how influential you are. You have to know how to agree when you don’t. I am not telling you to go against what you believe. You must find an agreeable way to present your side of the argument. No rapport will be built by saying, “You are wrong.” Influencing another person’s opinion with well thought out questions and responses builds a name for yourself. Remember, the more information you put out, the more you will receive in return.
3. Insert yourself in conversation. Inserting yourself into a conversation is more than just forcing your way in and speaking. Talking simply to have your voice heard might get you remembered, but not in a positive light. You want people to recount the conversation to others by saying, “That guy made some good points,” not “I can’t believe what that idiot said!” You should only inject an opinion if you know what you are talking about. Pay attention to what the people in the conversation say and develop an opinion. Agreeing with them for the sake of making them feel better about what they have said is not the answer. There is a point where compliments and conversation starting become ass-kissing and a display of desperation. The difference? Confidence and delivery. Remember, being active in a conversation is listening and responding, not just waiting for your turn to speak.
4. Be confident. I said confident, not pompous. Your opinion is not always right. Who becomes the leader of a conversation often comes down to who is most confident, not necessarily who is correct. Confidence is nothing more than believing in what you are saying. I mean actually believing. Not just telling others you believe it. There will be many situations where you are (often unknowingly) speaking to someone who has spent a long time honing their ability to read body language. When engaged in conversation with someone like this, if you are not truly confident in what you are saying they will rip you apart.
5. Study body language. There are hundreds, probably thousands of books dedicated to the subject. Read one. It has been said that over 90% of a conversation is nonverbal. Just because your mouth says something, it doesn’t mean your body is communicating the same stance. Body language is instinct and next to impossible to fake completely. Without turning this article into a body language class, let’s just look at a couple of examples.
   • Hand shaking. When presenting your hand, you are nonverbally establishing your dominance. Someone who has studied body language will pick up on this. A hand presented palm down is a sign of authoritativeness or domination. A hand presented in a more palm up position can be a signal of openness and submission. Someone who begins the presentation of the hand with their elbow bent almost fully (hand closest to the bicep) then quickly thrusts their hand forward into your personal space is often attempting to determine a superior position, while a person who slowly raises their hand and keeps it close to their body is presenting a more inferior position.
     • When presenting your hand, it should be as close to a 90° angle in relation to the ground as possible. Your hand should be presented half way between you and the person you are greeting so as not to invade their space and not invite them into yours. This is as close to a neutral presentation as you are ever going to get.
   • Arm placement. As someone is speaking, look at their arm placement. Arms crossed at the chest indicates anger or defensiveness. Hands clasped and placed at the sternum presents a feeling of uncertainty or uneasiness. A person whose hands are consistently on their hips is portraying an air of readiness or aggression. Someone who is standing with their hands clasped behind their back is projecting frustration or superiority.
     • When speaking, try to keep your arms moving smoothly and somewhat slowly. This is hard to explain, but think of it this way, you don’t want to appear like you are stuck in slow motion, but you don’t want to seem like you are having a seizure either. This not only adds animation, but avoids sending the wrong impression caused by inadvertent placement.
   • Stance. When standing, a person whose legs are wider than shoulder width apart are portraying a position of dominance. It is a subconscious act to make the body appear bigger than it is and encourage fear. Someone who stands with one foot forward is conveying a feeling of defensiveness. It is the subconscious act of readying for a frontal attack. Think of a fighter’s stance. One foot is always forward in preparation of either defending or attacking.
     • Try to stand with your legs placed about shoulder width apart with neither foot being more forward than the other. This is a normal, relaxed pose and relays a feeling of confidence and easiness to the person/people you are addressing.

   While simple, these nuances are perceived by the people you are interacting with, either consciously or subconsciously. Establishing a dominant or submissive stance will effect how your message is portrayed. You must always keep this in mind.

6. Be open. Many people will never succeed simply because they are unwilling to open their mind to another’s way of thinking. You must remember, no one knows it all. Inability to admit that will only lead to failure. As a human race, we are always striving to outdo one another. While competition is healthy, it is not always beneficial when trying to get your start. Save the bull-headedness for when you can afford to irritate people, meaning when others are trying to their names into your head and not the other way around.
7. Never be afraid to make an enemy. While I am sure there are many people who will disagree with this one, I find it to be an integral part in establishing yourself. This should be done sparingly, for obvious reasons, but if a person has nothing other than negativity to offer, there is no sense in befriending them. Too often, we are judged by the company we keep — the people who will drag you down simply by being associated with them. At times, establishing what type of person you are is only possible by establishing what kind of person you are not. Besides, without enemies, how does one gauge the worth of a friend? Remember, however, there is a huge difference between making an enemy and stabbing someone in the back. Getting to the top of the ladder via back stabbing will never result in good things.
8. Challenge yourself. If you do not strive to make yourself better, you will never will be. Force yourself to continually learn and never become complacent. We have all heard the adage, “Complacency kills.” It does. Maybe not your body, but your career. If you are not continually challenging yourself, you will remain just where you are; no matter what your position/title, some new up-and-comer will fly right past you.
9. Never doubt yourself. If you know you are right, do not back down. While this may not always go as you plan, it will gain respect — although you may never be told. There will be times where you are the expert. At times like these, establish yourself as such. The fact that someone holds a higher rank or superior job title does not make them right. Be that as it may, there are times to argue and times to just “agree to disagree.”
10. It is impossible to argue with an idiot. Simply stated, there are some people who disagree for no other reason than to disagree. They offer no valid arguments and usually will not accept defeat even when proven wrong. This is the type of person who will do anything they can to antagonize you and bring you down to their level. I know it is much easier to say than do, but do not indulge these people. By doing so, you are only hurting yourself. Not in the way that it will change you or make you a lesser person, but by allowing yourself to lower your being to a substandard level. This type of person will never succeed and associating yourself with them, even if you are in the right, will only hurt the way others view you.
11. Be mindful of your image. I am not referring to the price tag of your clothes, but to the way you are viewed by others. Your appearance goes a long way. The old saying, “It is impossible to change a first impression” is accurate, for the most part. You might be able to overcome a minor slip-up when you first meet someone, but if you present as an untidy, unkempt, unclean individual, you are not going to get very far. Another portion to your image is how you carry yourself. Always walking with your shoulders hunched and your head lowered will convey an attitude of laziness or lackadaisicalness. Slouching in your chair during a meeting will do the same. Walk with a purpose. Keep your head held high, shoulders back. Remember what your mother said, sit up straight. You may not believe me, but it will make a difference.
12. Don’t be a kiss-ass. While always talking someone up and agreeing with what they say when they are obviously wrong may get you what you want for a little while, it will not last long and you will label yourself as such. There may be situations where schmoozing is the only option other than career suicide, but if it becomes constant you will wind up making more enemies than you can handle.
13. Never quit. I conclude this article with this one because it is the most important. There will be times when you will be overwhelmed with discouragement. These are the times that you must never quit. It is easy to push forward when things are going your way. The true character of a person is measured by how they react to adversity and failure. Allowing yourself to give up is not accomplishing anything. You will never get where you want to be by standing idly by as the world goes on without you. Take the situation at hand and make it work for you. If something does not go your way, take a moment to review it. I guarantee you will find something there to learn.

I hope you found this article helpful. If you have any additional advise, please share it. Disagree with my stance? Tell me so, but be open to criticism.