An awesome summer drink. Try it!!

Shake the following ingredients:

• 2 parts Arnold Palmer
• 1 part vodka

In case you didn’t know, an Arnold Palmer is equal parts Iced Tea and Lemonade. So, the drink would then be (shaken):

• 1 part iced tea (sweet or unsweetened, your choice)
• 1 part lemonade
• 1 vodka

Enjoy!

thekruser’s Sand Trap is a post from: thekruser.com

DISCLAIMER: This is an email forward I received from a friend. I am in no way associated with anything contained herein. I am truly sorry if I mislead anyone. It was not my intention. Thanks for stopping by.

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket… The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason… my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan… She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn’t it?!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb…. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what ‘s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life… Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,

Alex

An Almost Successful Mugging is a post from: thekruser.com

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don’t.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Murphy’s Lesser Known Laws is a post from: thekruser.com

• 1 part Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Mango Rum
• 1 part Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Coconut Rum
• 1 part Triple Sec
• 2 parts Orange Juice
• 2 parts Sprite

Serve over ice.

For the less adventurous, 3 parts Sprite.

thekruser Cooler is a post from: thekruser.com

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, “I just need one copy.”

Lesson: Never, Never, EVER assume that your boss knows what he’s doing.

The Shredder is a post from: thekruser.com

This post is nothing more than a rant/complaint about a recent change (recent being about a month ago) that foursquare has made: taking away the ability to correct categories. There was a time that the mayor of an establishment had the ability to change its category. Not any more.

You see, there are a lot of people out there who don’t play the game fairly. They change venue information simply to attain a badge. The result is a database with faulty information. I get that. However, those of us who do play the game fairly and who actually care about fixing the crap information are left out to dry.

There are solutions:

1. become a Super User Level 2 (no idea how to do this…I have been a Level 1 for over a year)
2. leave a change request on the foursquare Get Satisfaction page and wait for several months
3. create a duplicate venue with correct information

Now, I will be the first to admit that the last one is not the best way. It causes a bigger problem than it solves. Unfortunately, however, in most cases it is the only way to get the correct information listed. People who play the game in the manner it was intended get furious (or at least I do) when we are denied a badge because some a-hole has listed incorrect information for a venue.

For instance, there is a venue that I frequent with an incorrect primary category. It is a grocery store. Always has been, always will be. I battled for the mayorship of this venue for quite a long time so that I could change it. Once I became the mayor I tried and found that I could not. I have listed the venue in the aforementioned support page to no avail. I have contacted foursquare through their website. Nothing. The result? I just don’t check in there any more. Why should I? So I will lose the mayorship. Who cares? They don’t offer a mayor special and it is not like there is a “Grocery Store Junkie” badge I am working on.

As one can plainly see by the content of this site, I am enjoy foursquare. Been with them since almost the beginning. I enjoy the game. I just get irritated when I see venue information that was obviously entered by an idiot (e.g., churches categorized as gyms, douchebag tag on an elementary school, a gas station categorized as a strip club, McDonald’s categorized as a bar, etc) or venues that should not be (e.g., I-35 left lane, My Bathroom, My Bedroom, 35,000 feet, etc) and am powerless to change it.

In closing, I am sure foursquare knows what they are doing. However, every now and then even a genius forgets to ‘carry the one’ and makes a bone-headed mistake. Of course, that is just my opinion.

I’m done ranting now. Carry on.

No More Foursquare Category Changes is a post from: thekruser.com

An excellent read. Any professional who has not at least started this process is far behind the power curve.

http://mashable.com/2010/09/30/improve-search-rank-for-your-name/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Mashable+%28Mashable%29

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

HOW TO: Win the Search Rank Race for Your Name (mashable.com) is a post from: thekruser.com

‘Nuff said…
Beer_Song

The Beer Song is a post from: thekruser.com

And it came to pass that the cries and lamentations of the Access newbies were heard on high by the gods of the Database, and their hearts were moved to pity for their followers. And they opened their mouths and spake, saying: “Nevermore shall the young and innocent wander witless on their journeys! We shall provide guidance to them, yea, and to all who wish to seek the paths of wisdom.” And they caused these commandments to be written and placed before the eyes of those seeking enlightenment.

So heed the words of those who have come before you, and keep these commandments in thine heart as thou dost create thy Database application. If thou shalt only follow these commandments thy burden shall be made light and thy path shall be made straight.

1. Thou shalt design normalized tables and understand thy fields and relationships before thou dost begin.
2. Thou shalt never allow thy users to see or edit tables directly, but only through forms and thou shalt abhor the use of “Lookup Fields” which art the creation of the Evil One.
3. Thou shalt choose a naming convention and abide by its wisdom and never allow spaces in thy names.
4. Thou shalt write comments in your procedures and explain each variable.
5. Thou shalt understand error handling and use it faithfully in all thy procedures.
6. Thou shalt split thy databases.
7. Thou shalt not use Autonumber if the field is meant to have meaning for thy users.
8. Thou shalt not copy and paste other people’s code without at least attempting to understand what it does.
9. Thou shalt not use “SendKeys”, “Smart Codes”, or “GoTo” (unless the GoTo be part of an OnError process) for these will lead you from the path of righteousness.
10. Thou shalt back-up thy database faithfully, working not on thy Production Database, but on the Prototype Copy, as it is right and good to do.

Thus spake the gods of the Database, and blessed be their names! And Blessed, too, are those who contribute to the Access Newsgroup – giving freely of themselves to serve those who hunger and thirst for knowledge and understanding!

The Ten Commandments of Access is a post from: thekruser.com

One of my favorite mixed drinks.

• 2 oz pineapple juice
• 2 oz cranberry juice
• 1.5 oz coconut run
• 6-8 ice cubes
• crushed ice
• pineapple wedge (optional)

1. Add ice cubes and all liquid ingredients in shaker.
2. Shake vigorously for at least 30 seconds. The goal is not only to mix ingredients, but also to create a thicker drink.
3. Pour over crushed ice.
ENJOY!!

Bay Breeze is a post from: thekruser.com